Insurance Should Cover Fly Fishing
We have all seen the photos of someone standing knee deep in a stream while fly-fishing. It looks so peaceful, out in nature, enjoying God’s creation and pulling in huge trout. Well it seldom starts out that way!
Fly-fishing is an art form. It takes practice and patience. For some, it’s almost a Zen thing. “You must be one with the elements”.
Well for me, I also needed a credit card with a low balance and high limit. Gone are the days of digging up some worms, fishing with a tree limb and a line thicker then a shoelace. Fish are much smarter these days. We live in the times of Hi-Tech fishing.
Millions of dollars are spent in researching and understanding fish habitat, and then developing new products to catch these smart fish. The tree branch rods have been replaced with co-polymer, laminated, graphite, wiz-bang rods with titanium guides, which come in various weights, lengths and colors.
Reels that cost more then them my laptop, and lines, which sink, float, fast or slow taper, tipper, leader and knots, which use a nail! I just want to catch a fish!!!
Now we come to the flies. I never knew there were so many different types of bugs. Some of these flies are tied on a hook so small, I would need two pairs of reading glasses to even see them, while others are the size of a small bird. I am told I need a wide variety because I need to “match the hatch”, which is code for find the fly that looks like that bug which just bit you. Don’t worry about that red welt which is growing to the size of your eyeball. You are doing this to relax and have fun. Oh Yah!
I soon learned it’s not ok to wade in the stream with cut-offs and sneakers. NOOOOOOO! You need breathable lightweight waders with wading boots and a fishing vest. I guess I should have checked the dress code. I Ok, there is another $ 350. Again, I just want to catch some fish.
I should have been suspicious when my wife didn’t complain about me spending all of this money on fly-fishing. I just thought she was being supportive and rewarding me for working all of those long hard hours at work. I think I discovered her evil plot on one of my first trips.
I am now set. I have my $ 600 fly rod with my $ 400 reel. My $ 350 waders and boots, $ 50 hat, $ 150 prescription polarized sunglasses and $ 300 worth of flies and assorted tackle.
As I start to enter the river I thought, “there better be some damn fish in here”! I carefully waded out to what I thought was a good spot.
After just a few casts, I decided it would be better to stand on a nearby rock. It was a pretty rock. It had a lovely green color to it. As soon as my foot touched that rock, I suddenly understood my college physics class. When a 300-pound body is in motion, and steps on a slimy green rock, the laws of thermal dynamics will prevent my foot from stopping.
It appears that the green ooze on the rock is much like spraying silicone on the break pads of your car. I was not aware that my legs could spread that far! I guess it helped that my other foot became lodged between two other rocks. It would have helped if my knee had not struck that green rock, as I fell into the water.
If these $ 350 waders are breathable, then why didn’t they spit out all of the water that was rushing inside? I must have looked like a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I now know what a Turtle experiences, when they are placed on their backs.
With my $ 50 hat and $ 150 prescription sunglasses gone, I struggled to get to my feet. Since my waders were now full of water I must have weighed somewhere around the 500 pound mark. All this time, I am thinking, “It’s fine, I am just a little wet. The worst is over”. At least I had my fly rod and all of the gear. That is until, I again slipped and fell on the rod snapping it like a tooth pick.
At this point, the thought of catching a fish has left my mind. I just wanted to get out of these water logged waders and clothes. My knee was swelling and my ankle was starting to throb.
Since I was in a rather secluded portion of the river with no one was around, I decided to strip naked and wring out my clothes. All I could think of is “how am I going to keep these wet clothes off my leather car seats?” I CERTAINLY did not want to stain those lovely seats. I just bought the car a few months ago.
As luck has it, it was a warm summer day. I laid my clothes on the near by bushes to dry. As I lay down to rest for a while, I must have fallen asleep. I was having such a wonderful dream of catching fish with my new fly rod, when I felt something poking me. When I opened my eyes, I discovered that a small crowd had assembled.
It seems a family was floating down the river and reported a dead body on the beach. They said, “He must be dead because his stomach is bloated.” Well, I wasn’t dead, but I was a little sunburned. It’s interesting that the portions of our bodies, which seldom see the sun, burn sooner then, let’s say our arms. Oh yah! I was on a rocky beach, buck naked with a swollen knee, throbbing ankle, and burned gonads!
I didn’t need to worry about staining my lovely leather car seats, because that nice police officer with the nightstick, gave me a ride to the jail. My clothes were dry once my wife came down and bailed me out. The police were so nice to tow my car for safe keeping while I was staying in their care and it only cost my $ 500 to get it back.
I am no longer interested in learning how to fly fish. I now hire a guide, so if anything breaks, or I get arrested, I will have someone to sue!
© Ken Bear Cole All rights reserved
Fishing with Bear LLC
I am a pro fishing guide in Portland, Oregon. ! am also a gifted writer of humorous outdoor adventure stories. I will hopefully have a collection of stories published this winter.